JEOPARDY!
by FishhFinn
Summary: Three select Newsies go on Jeopardy. Written by [insert name of friend]. Read for a good laugh.


**Just some jumk my friend made up. Enjoy it!**

**FYI... She has nothing against Newsies. This is the result of too many sugar cookies and being home sick. **

** Plus-- TESTING! Last week, this week, and next week. Foster Girl will be continued after all testing is finished.**

**Disclaim Thing: No own Newsies. **

** --Fishhhie**

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ANNOUNCER: We're here live in New York City, with the first day of Newsboys Jeopardy Week with host Ryan Seacrest! (Some guy whispers to him) I mean—Alex Trebek! And our contestants today are… Racetrack Higgins! –Applause- 

(The camera turns to Racetrack)

RACETRACK: -Waves and squeaks like a girl- Hi Mommy! Oh, wait… my mommy's dead…

ANNOUNCER: Spot Conlon (pronounces Conlon as "Coanlawn") –Applause-

(Camera turns to Spot)

SPOT: For your information, da name's Conlon, alright? So many people pronounce it wrong or spell it as COLLINS. It's so unfair! -Bursts into tears-

RACE: -Puts arm around Spot- Aww, it's okay, Spot. Just because your mommy's dead doesn't mean you have to cry. Death is all a part of life, Spot.

ANNOUNCER: Sorry, folks, Spot Conlon! -Applause- and now, please welcome our host-

JACK: Hey! What about me?

ANNOUNCER: Oh, I forgot, but no one here cares about you anyways so there's no need for that.

KID BLINK: (In audience) We do care about Jack!

JACK: -Blushes-

ANNOUNCER: We know that you're gay, and have a crush on Jack, Kid Blink, so we're doing this for you… And last, also least—Jack Kelly! -Applause for Kid Blink and a few others-

JACK: Thank you, thank you, you're too kind, thank- HEY! Don't I get a camera close up?

ANNOUNCER: -Ignores Jack- now, please give a welcoming hand to our host (drum roll) Ryan Seacrest! (Some guy whispers to him) I mean Alex Trebek! –Audience goes wild-

ALEX: Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, newsies, and… Spot's fan club back there…

JACK: How do you know it's his fan club?

ALEX: They have signs that say "We are Spot's Fan Club"…

JACK: Still… how do you know it's his fan club?

CHEERLEADERS: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Spot, go Spot, go go go Spot!

SPOT: Thanks goils… -Fixes hair-

ALEX: Say, Spot, where'd you get that fan club of yours?

SPOT: Well there's this company downtown New York called Rent-A-Couple-Of-Cheerleaders-For-A-Fan-Club… I could give you their number if you want.

ALEX: Anyone have a pencil and paper?

(Some random guy in the audience tosses a pencil and a piece of paper to him)

SPOT: Okay, their number is 1-800-FANCLUB, their hours are 9AM-9PM.

ALEX: -Franticly scribbling everything down-

SPOT: Oh, but you have to say that I referred you, 'cuz next time I could get a 10 discount with my rental. –Smiles hopefully-

ALEX: That's spelled C-O-L-L-I-N right?

SPOT: -Bursts into tears again- NO! It's C-O-N-L-O-N! –Sniffles-

RACE: -Pats Spot on the back- don't worry, Spot, you ain't alone, I'm going through the same thing you are.

ALEX: -Dialing the number on his cell phone- Hello, I'm trying to reach Rent-A-Fan-Club. My name? Oh… hang on I'm going to need my phone book for that…

SPOT: Who would have a hard time saying "Higgins"?

RACE: Well, I was trying to say that I lost my mommy, too.

JACK: Wait, Race… I saw your mom just the other day. –Looks confused-

RACE: Oh, that blonde lady was my mom?

JACK: I think so…

RACE: OH! –Yells to the camera- HI MOMMY!

RANDOM PERSON IN THE AUDIENCE: Hey, when are we going to watch the actual show? Alex, you're supposed to be running the show here! I used like a whole week of my wife's earning to get here! Just—hopefully she won't find that out!

ALEX: Show? What show? I run a show?

ANNOUNCER: Yeah, and it's called Jeopardy. You know that show is way overrated! These days people don't know a good show from a bad one. I feel bad for the people having to work on that show. –Sighs-

ALEX: Jeopardy… Jeopardy… rings a bell. Oh yeah, the show that I'm on right now! Okay, here are the categories! "Lines in Newsies"…

(The category thing flashes to show it)

ALEX: "New York", "Headlines", and "Mush".

MUSH: -Jumps up from his seat- I bet I know almost everything in that category! –Beams proudly-

ALEX: I bet you do, Mush… but if you answer one of them out of turn, then you'll be discriminated from the quarterfinals that we're having tomorrow!

MUSH: -Sits glumly back into his chair-

ALEX: Okay, Jack, we'll start with you.

JACK: I'll take "Lines" for 200.

ALEX: "Glum and dumb" is the description for this person.

SPOT: (Buzz) Who is Skittery? (Mutters) Yeah, he's glum and dumb…

SKITTERY: -From audience- Hey! I am NOT glum, and I am _not _wait, maybe I'm a little dumb. But it was not nice for Race to have said that in the movie! –Looks hurt-

SPOT: Mush for 200.

ALEX: In this scene, Mush is the only one who doesn't get a glass of coke, so he has to share with Kid Blink.

RACE: OH! WHAT IS THE KING OF NEW YORK SCENE! I purposely didn't hand him a coke because I knew we were gona be on Jeopardy and I knew that it would be useful to ignore him! –Starts doing the Chicken Dance-

ALEX: That's right, Racetrack… -Starts dancing with him-

RACE: Mush for 800.

ALEX: This is the name of the girl that Mush met "last night" according to Carrying the Banner.

JACK: Who is Jill? OMG I WANT TO MEET HER AND WE COULD BE JACK AND JILL!

ALEX: No… not Jill… Besides you already have the doily-making girl…

DAVID: Hey that's my sister!

ALEX: Yeah… we know… runs in the family to make doilies...

DAVID: Okay. I am leaving! –Goes to the door and opens it. There stands an old lady with a lunch box-

OLD LADY: Spotty, darling you forgot your lunch!

SPOT: Aww, grandma, can't you see I'se doin' something right now?

OLD LADY: Here, you take this, Spot. I packed a peanut butter jelly sandwich just for you.

SPOT: Did you cut the crust? –Looks hopeful-

OLD LADY: Yup, just for my Spotty! (Spot gives grandma a hug)

ALEX: Okay. Then………

SPOT: (Buzz) Who is Alexis!

ALEX: That's right.

MUSH: -Gets up from seat again- No! Her name was Paullina!

ALEX: No, it was Alexis…

MUSH: (Mutters) Alexis, Alexis… Oh, yeah… she was a biyatch. Wait… how do you know that, Spot? Are you some psycho stalker?

SPOT: ……… -Whistles innocently-

ALEX: Back to you, Spot.

SPOT: I'll take Mush for 1000, please.

MUSH: -Wailing- don't take me, Spot! I don't wanna be taken away! –Starts crying like a baby-

ALEX: …Answer… DAILY DOUBLE! (Weird music starts playing)

SPOT: -Looking dignified- I'll wager 800.

ALEX: Okay, Mush thinks this guy looks like a gentleman in the newspaper.

SPOT: -Agitated- Ugh… That's a tough one, Alex.

JACK: He gets all da easy ones!

SPOT: Uhh… who is Jack? (Starts praying to the ceiling)

ALEX: That's right, Spot!

(Audience cheers)

CHEERLEADERS: Go Spot! You rock! Go Spot! You rock! –Said like robots-

SPOT: THANK YOU GOD! YOU ARE MY LIFE'S SAVIOR!

(Playing for like 15 minutes)

ALEX: Okay, Racetrack's in the lead with –200, then comes Spot with –800, and finally, in last place, Jack with –12,000. Racetrack has the command of the board, and we'll be right back after these messages to continue playing!

-Commercial Starts-

(Filming in Lodging House, Mush is standing next to sink, showing off six-pack)

MUSH: Don't try Bottle Alley or da Harbor. Try new Crest Advanced Whitening toothpaste. Removes plaque and stains. Now that shines! –Winks with sparkling teeth-

(Filming in Lodging House, Jack is smoothing down his hair)

JACK: Before I tried L'Oreal Paris Shampoo and Conditioner 2-in-1, my hair was all greasy and dry. But now, I used this hair package, and I was amazed at how fast it worked. With nourishing fruit concentrates and smoothing formulas, making hair sleeker is easier than ever! L'Oreal Paris, because you're worth it!

-Back to Jeopardy, music starts-

ANNOUNCER: And now, we're back, with American Idol! (Some guy whispers to him) I mean Jeopardy! –Whispers back- why do I keep thinking we're on American Idol?

RANDOM GUY: -Whispers- 'Cuz you got fired when you were working for them because you bashed Ryan Seacrest on the head with a hammer.

ANNOUNCER: -Whispers- Oh… that explains why he's so short…

ALEX: So, Racetrack. I hear you go to the racetracks… What's that about?

RACE: Well, I found my knack for gambling when I was 4 years old. My mommy took me to the park and went off to talk with some of her fatty short friends. Not to mention I'm short, too, but… Anyways, I walk ovah to a couple ah' guys drinkin' beer and gamblin', and wunnah da guys, dey just smack me in da head with da beah bottle, and I fall ovah. My mommy once said to me that's why I 'ad short-term memory loss. Wait, were we talkin' about somet'in heuh? Oh yeah! Jellyfishhies 33! -Smiles happily-

ALEX: Okay… moving on here… So, uh Spot. Brooklyn, huh?

JACK: Hey this is no fair! Why do I always have to be last?

ALEX: Because one cares about you, Jack.

KID BLINK: Jack! Will ya marry me? I don't have a ring and all but I have an onion ring! –Shows Jack onion ring, looks at it longingly, then decides to eat it-

ALEX: Yeah… now, Spot, what about Brooklyn?

SPOT: What about it…It is the most beautiful place in the whole world and I want to be nowhere but there! –Starts singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"-

ALEX: Yeah, okay looks like you all have a little catching up to do. So here are the categories for this round.

JACK: What about me? –Looking furious-

ALEX: You're dumb?

JACK: -Jumps into a wall- Oof… jumping out of walls when you're singing Santa Fe is much easier… -rubs head with palm-

ALEX: "Songs", "Selling Spots"-

SPOT: What? You plan to sell me? To whom? How much are they offering you? I, being a natural leader, have to ask these questions before you sell da moichandise.

ALEX: … And, "Mashed Potatoes" Well start with you, Jack.

JACK: Selling spots for 800, Alex.

ALEX: This selling spot (Spot jerks around from talking to grandma, hits head on pole that magically appeared) is mentioned by Racetrack during Carrying the Banner.

JACK: Where is West Park?

-Weird buzzy thing indicating he's wrong-

RACE: What are you talkin' about? It's where is South Park? Doesn't anyone ever listen to me? Or pay att-attention to what I say? –Bursts into tears- by the way, I watch that show all the time, it's friggin' hilarious! Directed by Trey Parker, although not the one who played Blink, I might add.

ALEX: Ehh—no… Spot you wanna take a guess?

(Spot shakes his head and the weird buzzing thing that indicates they're out of time buzzes)

ALEX: It was Central Park… back to you, Jack.

RACE: -Looks confused, wipes nose on Spot's sleeve-

JACK: "Songs" for 800, please.

ALEX: Answer… this song was mostly led by Jack, but was also sung by the other—wait what are they called again? Oh, right, the newsies.

RACETRACK: What is… the Woild Will Know?

ALEX: That's right! Bringing you to 1000, Spot in the lead with 2200, and Jack doesn't get to play final Jeopardy because his score is… -20,000…

JACK: -Starts wailing like a madman-

KID BLINK: Jack, it's okay, buddy. I'm heuh for you'se. –Runs up to Jack on stage and hugs him-

ALEX: … The category is…Fish. We'll be back right after this.

(Applause)

-Commercial Starts-

(Filming at Newsboys Lodging House, Skittery is sitting there, looking at the floor)

Skittery: Who does depression hurt? Everyone.

(Camera goes to other boys, with jumping ropes and balls, looking sadly at Skittery)

Skittery: Were does depression hurt? Everywhere. Depression hurts both physically and mentally. If you are experiencing any, you should consider taking Cymbalta. It helps relieve your depression and makes you feel, well, more you! Plus, people won't refer to you as "glum and dumb" anymore!

(Camera goes to Skittery playing with the other boys and jumping rope)

ALEX: And, we're back. The category was "fish", so good luck.

(Jeopardy Theme Song starts playing, you see Racetrack struggling with his pencil, he's obviously never used one before. Spot is mumbling random junk to himself)

ALEX: Okay, the answer was: "Last week, Pulitzer ate this type of fish, and almost killed himself by choking." What'd you come up with, Spot?

(Camera turns to Spot's blue box thing, it says: What is salmon?)

ALEX: Nope, that is incorrect. What'd you wager? OUCH! 1000. Brings you down to 1200. What'd you come up with, Racetrack?

(Camera turns to Racetrack's blue box, it says: What is tuna?)

ALEX: Nope, it was Italian fish. What'd you wager? Whoa… 500. Looks like Spot is the winner!

-Applause-

CHEERLEADERS: GO SPOT! GO SPOT! YOU ROCK! –One of them gets bashed in the head with a tuna fish-

JACK: -Randomly starts screaming: "SWING HEIL!"-

ANNOUNCER: Well, that's all for today's edition of Oprah! (Some guy whispers to him) I mean Jeopardy! See you tomorrow on Newsboys Jeopardy Week!

SPOT'S GRANDMA: Spotty! I knew you could! –Runs towards Spot but since she has bad eyesight, runs into a wall. One set of her fake teeth fall out-

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**Seriously, though. NOTHING against Newsies. She loves the movie! **

**Help me on my other story, give critiques, etc. I need some help, and if you help me make it better, I'll give you a sugar cookie! >-) **


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